Thursday, January 11, 2007

All the financial world's a stage

And financial world bloggers are busy re-writing some of the scripts from the tragi-comedy at Home Depot:

First, Jeff Mathews:
What Malcom famously says of Cawdor—that “nothing in his life became him like the leaving it”—cannot, however, be said of Bob Nardelli, if the Wall Street Journal’s excellent account of his recent leaving of Home Depot is even halfway accurate:

Mr. Nardelli submitted a one-page list of perks he was willing to drop, including personal use of the six corporate jets, according to one person involved in the matter. But he dug in his heels about his guaranteed $3 million annual bonus and his hefty supplemental pension arrangement.

Were Shakespeare alive to rework Macbeth in a more modern corporate setting, where the price of utter failure is no longer death by sword but rather, using Ovitz, Grasso and Nardelli as the new benchmark, a $200 million severance package, that key scene might look a little different than Shakespeare wrote it... [You have to go to his blog to read his Shakespearean script]

Then there's Andy Borowitz:
In an official statement released to Wall Street analysts this morning, Home Depot said that it was paying the former salesclerk, Lucas Rekson, 24, the unprecedented sum [of $12 million] on the condition that “he never shows up to work again.”

During his two-month tenure as a salesclerk at Home Depot, Mr. Rekson made his mark by repeatedly spilling boxes of nails on the floor and accidentally banging into customers with large pieces of lumber.

In defense of the Mr. Rekson’s gargantuan severance package, company spokesman Carol Foyler offered this rationale: “If it means that Lucas will never work for Home Depot again, then $12 million is a bargain.”

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